Friday, February 10, 2017

The 2nd Annual Valentiny Writing Contest!!!

Susanna Leonard Hill is back with her 2nd Annual Valentiny Writing Contest. This time the story must be a maximum 214 words in which someone is confused. Below is my entry. I hope you enjoy it.

The Little Brown-Haired Pig-Tailed Girl
197 words

Charlie Brown had his little red-haired girl and Eddie had his little brown-haired pig-tailed girl.

They met almost every day on their walk home from school. They would walk and talk until they reached her house. Yet Eddie never asked her name.

He had become quite fond of her. Today he would ask her to be his Valentine and learn her name.

He walked up to her door with flowers and a heart shaped box full of candy in hand. He took a deep breath and pressed the doorbell. “Ding dang dong,” it chimed.

His heart pounded in his chest in sync with the footsteps that rapidly approached the door.

The door swung open to reveal the little brown-haired pig-tailed girl and her twin sister. Or vice versa.

Confused, he reached out with the candy and flowers and asked with a crack in his voice, “Will you be my Valentine?”

The girls smiled and responded in unison, “Yes!”

His eyes went wide and his jaw dropped.

The girls took the flowers and candy and giggled as they closed the door.

Eddie trudged home both happy and puzzled. He still didn’t know the little brown-haired pig-tailed girls name.
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47 comments:

  1. Judy SobanskiFebruary 10, 2017 at 10:46 AM

    So funny, Greg! I hope he learns her (their) names soon, poor guy!

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    1. Gregory E BrayFebruary 10, 2017 at 12:35 PM

      Thank you Judy. Maybe by the time the Halloween writing contest comes around, he will know their names.

      Delete
  2. HKinserFebruary 10, 2017 at 10:47 AM

    Fun! I really felt his confusion. (By the way, I loved "You're in Love, Charlie Brown" when I was a kid.)

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  3. KathrynFebruary 10, 2017 at 11:09 AM

    What a dilemma he has! Fun story!

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  4. Kathy HalseyFebruary 10, 2017 at 11:21 AM

    This made me laugh! Great rid don the theme of confusion and very spot-on kid POV, lots of times they don't know each others name. Good luck.

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    1. Gregory E BrayFebruary 10, 2017 at 12:36 PM

      I'm happy to read it made you laugh. =) Thank you Kathy.

      Delete
  5. LBFebruary 10, 2017 at 1:13 PM

    That was so cute! It gave me a good chuckle. Good luck, Greg!

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  6. AnonymousFebruary 10, 2017 at 2:27 PM

    Love it! Adorable and how fun. Two valentines!! My original story was going to be about twins too. Nicely written. I enjoyed it.

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  7. Read/Write/RunFebruary 11, 2017 at 5:56 AM

    Hey Greg,

    I enjoyed your story. Makes me think of that Double Mint Gum commercial.

    Ken

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  8. Jilanne HoffmannFebruary 11, 2017 at 11:11 AM

    Too funny! I'm thinking that Eddie is double-lucky!

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  9. Colleen MurphyFebruary 11, 2017 at 1:51 PM

    Poor Eddie! Not only he does he not know her name, he doesn't know which one is the one he likes! Cute story clearly with the requisite confusion! Good luck!

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  10. GabiFebruary 11, 2017 at 5:42 PM

    Funny twist, Gregory! Very Charlie Brown-esque -- well done!

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  11. Aileen StewartFebruary 13, 2017 at 4:36 AM

    Ha. Not the ending I expected at all. Good work.

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  12. Gregory E BrayFebruary 13, 2017 at 8:36 AM

    Thank you McMarshall.

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  13. UnknownFebruary 13, 2017 at 9:49 AM

    So cute!

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  14. KateFebruary 13, 2017 at 12:32 PM

    Haha! Great job in making us feel the confusion, Gregory. Your story made me smile. Good luck in the Valentiny contest!

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    1. Gregory E BrayFebruary 13, 2017 at 12:43 PM

      Glad it made you smile Kate. =) Thanks for stopping by.

      Delete
  15. Amanda SincavageFebruary 13, 2017 at 8:54 PM

    What a stud - scored double Valentines! Didn't see that coming. Nice work!

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  16. Lynn DavidsonFebruary 14, 2017 at 2:55 PM

    wow, I understand his confusion. Whatever will he do?
    I wish you well with this story.

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  17. BoldWriterFebruary 14, 2017 at 4:32 PM

    Poor Eddie. He has until next year to learn her name. May he find bravery before then. Cute story. Good luck!

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    1. Gregory E BrayFebruary 15, 2017 at 10:40 AM

      Thank you Traci. We'll see what happens by next year's contest. =)

      Delete
  18. JEN GarrettFebruary 14, 2017 at 5:07 PM

    So cute! Love the twin angle. :)

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  19. AnonymousFebruary 15, 2017 at 12:55 PM

    Eddie has VERY good odds for finding his Valentine! Or maybe more than one! Well done.

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  20. Lauri MeyersFebruary 16, 2017 at 9:22 AM

    Oh that's so cute! Double the valentine confusion:)

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  21. Vivian KirkfieldFebruary 16, 2017 at 8:29 PM

    Reminds me of those old Doublemint gum commercials...poor Eddie...now he's got double trouble and he doesn't even know it. Fun story that pulled me in, Gregory. ;)

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  22. Joanne RobertsFebruary 17, 2017 at 9:34 AM

    Very clever. I wonder if Eddie walked each of the twins home, or just one! Hope there's a sequel.

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    1. Gregory E BrayFebruary 17, 2017 at 3:07 PM

      Thanks Joanne. I'll see what I can come up with for a sequel.

      Delete
  23. David McMullinFebruary 17, 2017 at 4:01 PM

    Very enjoyable and a fun ending. Now what's he going to do?

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    1. Gregory E BrayFebruary 21, 2017 at 1:28 PM

      Thanks David. I guess that will be determined in next year's contest.

      Delete
  24. SusannaFebruary 18, 2017 at 11:15 AM

    Now THAT is confusion, Greg! You left me wondering... did Eddie walk home with the same twin every day? Or had he inadvertently been courting both?! And imagine his surprise at seeing double! Well done :) Thanks so much for joining in the Valentiny fun!

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